First Dig Two Graves...

Recently I have become acutely aware of the amount of negativity and anger that is all around us, all of the time. Perhaps it seems worse now that the political discourse fills the airwaves and newspapers with angry accusations and rebuttals on a daily basis. But I also hear it in conversations at the grocery store or in restaurants, or people talking angrily into their cell phones about something someone said or did that they will "get them back" for. This idea that exacting revenge will somehow bring a measure of closure (whatever that is) and a sense of satisfaction is one of the greatest illusions we humans succumb to. Some cultures pride themselves on it (half of my heritage is Sicilian...enough said!) and we can point to much strife in the world right now that derives directly from it.  There is another saying from the East that states, "When you go to seek revenge, first dig two graves." Simply put, you have now given up your life to hatred, and have become that which you despise.  

This demand for revenge has been particularly pointed recently in the issue of Jerry Sandusky, the Penn Sate Assistant Coach found guilty of child abuse. In the newspapers, on Facebook, and in private conversations, seemingly normal people are suggesting that his punishment be that he be subjected to every manner of rape and sexual torture imaginable by the criminals with whom he will be imprisoned. I am in no way whatsoever excusing what he chose to do. Of course I believe he should be punished, but I also cannot escape the awareness that he is clearly mentally ill and haunted by his own demons. To my way of thinking, just spending the rest of his life in prison (a horror in itself), and the fear in which he will live each day for the rest of that life will be a punishment commensurate to his crimes. To wish that the same horrors he committed be visited upon him is to condone such behavior based on the idea that he somehow deserves it. No one deserves it… and that is precisely what has engendered such anger at him. Being compassionate to people who behave as we think they should is easy. Being compassionate to those who do not is much harder, and as such provides the best lessons for our practice. If we profess to have compassion for all living beings, it means ALL living beings, not just those we like. Those brought up in a Christian tradition will understand that this is what was meant by “love your enemies.” The real test of our practice is being able to push away the angry negative thoughts as soon as we are aware of them, and to replace them with a feeling of recognition and compassion for the suffering of this person who has somehow hurt us or someone else out of their own suffering. We all fail at this with some regularity and will continue to do so. The important thing is to increase our awareness at the times it occurs and consciously choose another response. And we will have to do this over and over…that’s why we call it a practice.

I do not think I would like Jerry Sandusky very much, and I know I abhor his actions. But if I truly believe what I claim to believe, I must have compassion for him as a fellow human being, and for his suffering. As human beings, we share the pride in mankind’s greatest accomplishments, and share the potential to achieve them as well. The converse of that is also true. As human beings we share the shame for the cruelest and most terrible acts our species has committed and must own that the same potential also lies in each of us. When we are able to embrace our own flawed natures and our fragility, it becomes that much easier to have compassion for our fellow flawed human beings.