First Dig Two Graves...

Recently I have become acutely aware of the amount of negativity and anger that is all around us, all of the time. Perhaps it seems worse now that the political discourse fills the airwaves and newspapers with angry accusations and rebuttals on a daily basis. But I also hear it in conversations at the grocery store or in restaurants, or people talking angrily into their cell phones about something someone said or did that they will "get them back" for. This idea that exacting revenge will somehow bring a measure of closure (whatever that is) and a sense of satisfaction is one of the greatest illusions we humans succumb to. Some cultures pride themselves on it (half of my heritage is Sicilian...enough said!) and we can point to much strife in the world right now that derives directly from it.  There is another saying from the East that states, "When you go to seek revenge, first dig two graves." Simply put, you have now given up your life to hatred, and have become that which you despise.  

This demand for revenge has been particularly pointed recently in the issue of Jerry Sandusky, the Penn Sate Assistant Coach found guilty of child abuse. In the newspapers, on Facebook, and in private conversations, seemingly normal people are suggesting that his punishment be that he be subjected to every manner of rape and sexual torture imaginable by the criminals with whom he will be imprisoned. I am in no way whatsoever excusing what he chose to do. Of course I believe he should be punished, but I also cannot escape the awareness that he is clearly mentally ill and haunted by his own demons. To my way of thinking, just spending the rest of his life in prison (a horror in itself), and the fear in which he will live each day for the rest of that life will be a punishment commensurate to his crimes. To wish that the same horrors he committed be visited upon him is to condone such behavior based on the idea that he somehow deserves it. No one deserves it… and that is precisely what has engendered such anger at him. Being compassionate to people who behave as we think they should is easy. Being compassionate to those who do not is much harder, and as such provides the best lessons for our practice. If we profess to have compassion for all living beings, it means ALL living beings, not just those we like. Those brought up in a Christian tradition will understand that this is what was meant by “love your enemies.” The real test of our practice is being able to push away the angry negative thoughts as soon as we are aware of them, and to replace them with a feeling of recognition and compassion for the suffering of this person who has somehow hurt us or someone else out of their own suffering. We all fail at this with some regularity and will continue to do so. The important thing is to increase our awareness at the times it occurs and consciously choose another response. And we will have to do this over and over…that’s why we call it a practice.

I do not think I would like Jerry Sandusky very much, and I know I abhor his actions. But if I truly believe what I claim to believe, I must have compassion for him as a fellow human being, and for his suffering. As human beings, we share the pride in mankind’s greatest accomplishments, and share the potential to achieve them as well. The converse of that is also true. As human beings we share the shame for the cruelest and most terrible acts our species has committed and must own that the same potential also lies in each of us. When we are able to embrace our own flawed natures and our fragility, it becomes that much easier to have compassion for our fellow flawed human beings. 

Starting Down the Path

I have been a student and lay practitioner of Zen Buddhism for nearly twenty years. I was fascinated and intrigued before that, but seriously embraced the concepts and began to view the world through a Buddhist lens at about that time. I read books by Pema Chodron, Ezra Bayda, Tich Naht Hanh as so many others do, and I subscribe to both Shambala Sun and BuddhaDharma. I have taken up serious meditation as well. All of this is well and good, but utterly meaningless, if it is simply internalized. My youngest child, Greg, a yoga instructor, is working on a book in which I was introduced to the concept of the "householder" yogi. That is someone who has chosen not to renounce the world, but rather to live in it fully in a state of awareness. I had no name for this before, even though I have striven to live in such a manner as long as I can remember. I can certainly make no claim for enlightenment, but I do aspire to be as much of a bodhisatva as I can, teaching both by words and example what I have learned through Buddhism about the benefits of living a compassionate life, both for myself and others. I try daily to follow the Path of Loving Kindness, that of the Peaceful Warrior; a warrior in the sense of opposing the negativity, suffering, and aggression I see all about me in every arena.

In a nutshell, that is the reason I have chosen to begin this blog. It is my intention to offer my observations on various occurrences and things I experience, viewed through the lens of compassion, in the hopes of showing that we all have a choice of how we respond in every instance in our lives. What and how we choose makes all the difference and can lead either to resolution and peace or to contention and aggression. There is a saying I came upon recently that sums this up nicely: "How others treat you is their Karma; how you choose to respond is yours."

I certainly will welcome discussion, criticism and even disagreement with anything I put out there. It is through the exchange of ideas that we can ultimately help each other...and that is the whole point. So, if you are willing, we can walk this path together, not knowing where it may lead, but secure in the belief that it will take us in the direction of understanding, awareness, and perhaps even toward enlightnment.